A balanced life is a lie. 

Often times when plagued by the meaning of life I find myself deep in the search for answers. I find a solace labelling my feelings. I recall one evening not too long ago lying in bed thinking to myself why is my life so busy? Where is the balance? What is my end game and am I truly happy?  In all honesty, I was looking for freedom from guilt. I have changed tremendously this past year and am working to appreciate the new me. In my search for answers,  I came across a beautiful article and many of these ideas I share came from this wonderful reading experience. 

The guilt in part came from perhaps the concept that much of my life was spent living on the straight line trajectory. Knocking down milestones. One thing at a time, one goal at a time. I would cross the finish line and move onto the next single focused goal. My short sighted goals were very comforting, finish school, graduate, find a job, collect my paycheque, get married and have children. I felt balanced. I was working on one goal and there was a finite way to measure success. There was safety, security, stability yet I constantly found myself to be unfulfilled.

At age 33, for the first time in my life I feel very uncomfortable. The discomfort is a result of moving off the  trajectory and realizing that from this point forward the goals i set are for myself and follow no set plan. Im trying things that may not work, taking risks, making bold decisions that make people question my priorities. My  goals don't have finish lines and there will be no immediate results. I am amidst a perfect storm working to excel in all facets of my life.

I am a great mother, a remarkable wife, a loyal daughter a supportive sister and a dedicated hard working entrepreneur.  The time has come to water my own grass.  Extraordinary results require focussed attention and time. And time for one thing means time away from another. Balance is an idea. But in reality doesn't exist. Some days, weeks and months will require me to water a different aspects of my garden but I am finished looking for balance. 

So here I find myself over the last few weeks perhaps taking a step back from who I used to be. I am seeking a successful life. If you go out to seek success no matter what it is you will definitely live your life out of balance " crisscrossing the invisible middle line as you pursue your priorities."  So balance is an idea and leave it just at that.